Increase Sustainability with Self-Compassion: Help yourself to help others more effectively
While leading a healing group for women escaping abusive relationships, there was a young woman curled up in a corner afraid to look around. In seeing such deep suffering my heart went out to her with a desire to help alleviate the pain. This recognition of suffering accompanied by a desire to help is compassion. At its foundation compassion says, “You are worth caring about” and builds connection because it relies on our common experience of suffering.
We all know compassion is important when working in a helping profession, because it motivates us to help others with kindness. The combination of compassion and professional competency are a powerful mix that changes people’s lives. Exposure to suffering and activities demanding compassion are meaningful, but can also be emotionally, spiritually and physically draining. During times with the women escaping abuse it was compassion that moved me to offer care, teach strategies, and provide hope. This work was incredibly meaningful, but also led to feeling helpless, sad, and angry. Suffering takes a toll on helpers. We can counter the challenges by offering compassion to ourselves as well as others.
Self-compassion involves recognizing our own pain and responding with care rather than criticism. So many of us easily jump to conclusions such as “we are not strong enough” or “I must be doing something wrong” when struggling. Living with compassion for ourselves involves treating ourselves with kindness, recognizing our shared humanity, and practicing mindful awareness of experiences (Neff, 2011). Compassion for others often comes easy. Offering the same compassion to ourselves can be difficult but is vital for sustainable, effective caring.
Sharing compassion with ourselves provides the healing space and courage needed for growth. Self-compassion does not magically make difficult emotions go away, but gives us strength to move forward while allowing openness to new possibilities. The resulting revitalization promotes wellbeing, resilience, and the ability to thrive while helping others. So the next time you are struggling remind yourself - you are worth caring about. This can give you the strength to tackle problems, work towards high expectations in healthier ways and reduce burnout.
Some things you can do to promote self-compassion:
Write down how you would show care for a friend who is struggling with the challenges you are facing. Follow through on offering that care to yourself.
Routinely practice compassion meditations or prayers.
Figure out a replacement statement to turn to when you start to go into a negative mental narrative berating yourself. For example, when you start to go into the “You are such an idiot!” stop yourself by saying something more positive and caring such as, “I am human and worth caring about. I can deal with this.”
Make time to focus on self-healing. Shed a few tears, write in a journal, hug a furry friend, hug yourself, go on a walk in nature, listen to uplifting music. Allow yourself to express pain in safe, healthy ways.
Get perspective and care from a trusted friend, colleague, and/or a caring professional.
Learn about fostering self-compassion. Helpful resources include my book “Resilient and Sustainable Caring: Your Guide to Thrive While Helping Others” and “The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself” by Kristin Neff (2011; HarperCollins).